Friday, November 20, 2009

mukul v/s mukul

Before I start I would like to clear out one thing that it has nothing to do with my orkut title me v/s me
hmmmm
I really don't know from where should i start.....should i start it from the beginning..??
should i tell what all good things we shared ....whoever is reading wat do u think??
leave it ...stop thinking,i hav already started it

its my world and i am going to do it in my own way.
so let us start it...............
its of importance for only 2 people,
me and mukul
and all others won't be able to know what was it about....actually u would know but its something that only we would be able to feel it from the core of our heart so........ .let me not start it from between , i wanted o start it from mid and show u the flash back later on.......
because its like that only,,,,,,its life....u never know what's the importance of a thing ,,,until and unless u r far from it u 'll realise its true importance only when its gone....be it love ,friendship,ur childhood or be it whatever.......
so now acc to my friend it was 14 th october ,,,[who thinks he is not able to remember dates ,especially imp occations],,
but he remembered this particular date this year ,and even reminded me of that and since he remembered it ,it must be of great importance to him ,,,,
till then(when all that i am going to tell what happened)
it was just another day
not actually it 's sumedh's birthday ....now that i am writing it i doubt it .......that it was 14th
i generally don't forget dates,,especially birthdays ...sorry contradiction this year only i forgot abhishek's birthday(12th oct)so its possible that i am wrong...bcz he don't remember dates and since he remembered,i think he must be ryt
ohh did i forgot something ???did i mention the names ???did i mentioned the starcast ??/the heroes ???guest appearances??
yes i did forgot???
should i make it confusing....???
should i make it complicated by introducing names???
will i.....???
no i won't because they are ......((((((actually)))kisi ki yaad ayi ????this ques goes to u momin)))
and at this point of time i am reminded of u radhika.....bcz i thnk i am not saying properly....i think i am twisting it a lot.......same thing that i always do acc to u
...ok yaar i stop but i am really reminded of myself especially one thing that radhika used to say a lot...the coin philosophy
that my way of talking is like flipping a coin in the air and and asking the other person to assume himsef wat will come....and i am not going to tell myself...
i think this mukul will be missed......hey not bcz i am going to say everythng straight...but bcz i am going to twist a lot
and won't tell many things also
bcz i don't knw myself....about them
achha bahut hui bakwaas ,,,,how can i ???it was a serious thing and how can i use it like this ....sorry mukul...
ok
let me apologise to begin with,
let me apologise for what i am about to say,
let me apologise for everything that is not correct here
let me apologise for every wrong that i have done
,...plz tell where i am wrong.......wHATEVER
i don't know how i was caught up in between in this situation??
so its about me and mukul
???
confused
i am mukul raisinghani and he was (is) mukul bhardwaj aka mukul1 and mukul2 respectively
me-mukul 1 and he mukul2
for him either i'll use mukul only or he
so it started like this mukul shake peene chal rha hai...that was said by him
i was studying (shayad)
haan chalte hai.....chal..
abe koi ladki nhi hai bahar itna taiyaar hone ki zarurat nhi hai ..i said this to him
...
he took the keys from dhruv aka je baat .....((i doubt it yaar uska bday 15th oct ko ata hai ..and we celebrated it together)))i want u to think for the date again
ok leave the dates on 1 side.because i got 98 marks in sst which were of no use
keys of cycle not a byk...i had mine ...he didn't purchased the cycle ...bcz he didn't liked going to class on cycle....style maarna hota tha use.....
so we started the journey
the journey towards the end of the road.......journey to the tea stall.....shake peene gye thhe na ....ohh watever ...he said i want to go to the atm
i said ok ....he came out ...of the atm ....i looked at the watch and said ohh 11 ;30[ ....obviously dnt remember it xactly]...shop must be closed..i said.
he said that he knew it.......
and i don't knw wat i thought .....????i don't even remember whether if something kind of this happened???i really don't know what xactly happened at that point of time really???but what hurts is why it happened??
i just took my bicycle and started riding alone.....i wanna make one thing clear its not a justification of my fault ...its not an explanation of nethng..its something i rememberi just don't knw why i felt that i was wasting my time.....may be main pehle se hi soch rha tha ki hum bahut tym waste karne lage hai aajkal....
i just don't know
realy
i just don't know was it reallly the reason y i walked backkkk.....and if that was the reason.then f**k off to these studies,.... ....f**k off to evrythng related to the time management.f**k off to everything ....
everythng means everythng(that i don't like obviously)
what i knew is just that i walked back......ran actually......no i was on bicycle and rided as fast as i could....i don't knw y at that tym ...i felt the urge to study.....y xactly at that tym....was it universal conspiracy or something....and if it was it succeeded. what xactly went wrong??.......usne kya galat kiya tha .??
........nothing absolutely nothing......
i came back without any reason.......
AAAAALLLLLOOOOOONEEEEEE
i made to people alone at that time
and now it begins (((actually))))

i came back ................scene over

now black and white
flash back
can't start from the beginning days yaar there are so many things that i can add but let it remain an apology only....how i can add moments of 3 years in only 1 blog.how??remember we were caught exchanging sheets.....my first night out in cafe....late night visits to coffee house....chalo leave them
let me start from the 13 th ((manhoos sankhya))
we took the connected rooms on rent obviously in the same house
joined the same institutes ,,,everything we did intentionally....nothing was coincidence
3 subjects 4 classes daily 3 different locations...we used to go there together
agar common sense hogi to u can imagine classes ,dinner,studies,gossip.....we were like brothers
connected door between the rooms was never closed....and he never he used his gate to go out...aalsi saala.....kehta tha chabi nhi sambhalti.....hamesha we used to go out together and always my gate was used.....i used to lock it most of the times...and sometimes he performed that task too.......but with a naughty smile used to give me the keys
.......
so the point is that
........
that tym also we went out from my room ..and his room was locked from inside........
so a it was a difficult situation for him to face....he didn't knew what to do??.........he didn't knew what went wrong.....??
but something happened
i knew he was not going to enter through my room. ...he was like that
he didn't knocked either ..what i did was opened his room from inside and started studying(trying to study as usual) especially when filled with sense of guilt i just can't do anything)
i don't know when he came, when i opened the door ?.when he checkd his door?? .may be he came before i opened it ....so even if he would have checkd he must have found it closedobviously he didnt came to me....
neither checkd the door again
he went straight up to the terrace.....don't what he did their......i have no idea either...may be he cried.......may be he wondered what went wrong.......gussa to bahut hua hoga
then shashank came crying for his keys.he asked where is mukul2. i said u came from his room ..he must be in his room only..he said he is not their
i suggested to search in terrace.......he was there
dhingra came back and askd what happened.he said mukul was angry and threw his keys......i said nothing.....and just avoided saying anythng at that tym
somehow night passed .i didnt went to sleep till his light was closed..he came down and closed his light and went straight to sleep i too must have slept....

then came the morning ...
strange for every1...
for aunty and didi,
for dhruv an shashank......every1
changes- we stopped talking.....separate locks for each door
we went out alone.....came alone....sometimes together side by side.but with a cold war going on u can imagine..........
piyush used to come with us ,,,he was confused wat happened.??....what to do ????kiske sath jau???really difficult for him too.......bechara...
we used to eat food together while gossipping,,,then used to go out almost everyday for tea or egg......
trust me food never tasted that bad in kota...nothing seemed that bad .....in 13 th i was almost cutoff with every1 no frnds were in touch either.....especially from delhi except parul......we rarely needed any frnd in kota in 13 th bcz tym hi nhi hota tha for nethng
we both were literally alone .may be he was in touch with prakhar and his a3 company.......but i was almost cut off from every1 xcept family...and cut off was the requirement in kota ....dat doesnt matter
so i was telling nothing ever seemed that bad\
absolutely nthng
for me the most difficult thing is to live with guilt.i just cant live...i just feel suffocated when i knw that i did something wrong........i just cant really.....
but i just thought it happened for good......a fake consolation
it was good now ,we are not going to waste that much tym......we both will be able to study properly.........we too tried i saw that in classes but not xactly....we didnt
we were just not happy being apart....we were just obsessed with the war......aunty being elder understood the problem she used to tell us that concentrate on studies aur may be it is good for both of u
but it was not ...i told this to parul....she was like go now say sorry....else i wont talk ..she forced me to go then only,cut the fon and talk with me only aftr it gets sorted out i convinced her though that i can't talk ,may be it was in our favour only,and told her that he is sitting with frnds .....aur sahi mein friend ke sath tha bhiiiiii tab........
so time passed
its a natural tendecy the songs remind us of the situation that happened when we used to listene to them.....for eg songs of aksar may remind all of us of the time of 10 th class
i used to hear songs of boondh at that tym

especially sajni slow version.......whose lyrics go like this khaafa to hum bhi hai ,tum bhi ho.....kare to fir kya kare.........and many more lines that suited our situation ........
but even now when i hear it ,the same emptiness,same aura ,same negativity,same regrets ,,xactly same....surrounds me
i never wanted that to happen .......i thought of coming to u and say it myself before the fight .....that we shouldn't waste so much time...but i don't knw y?? y i cudnt say?? .....before i cud say all this happened.......
\i remember all the lonley rides to the teastall.....all the lonley walks to the class......sitting lonely in the classes......no 1 ever knew what happened between us ......na hi hame khud ko pata tha
'je baat' ko to maine ye kaha tha its bcz of a girl.....
but we were meant to be frnds
how long could we stay apart
after all we shared the same name too
evrythng ended soon \
before we went back home on diwali
and as i promised parul that ane se pehle sab theek karke hi aaunga
i just don't know how u felt
u mst hav felt betrayed,alone,shattered............??
everythng wrong bcz of me
ur stdies mst hav been affected too
i knw they were affected
u just cant study when u r nt happy
i did it ,how can i???hw can i be so selfish???so mean???hw can i????i dont knw tumne maaf kaise kiya??agar koi aur hota to i thnk u mst hav reacted differently...may be
vaise main bhi hota to main bhi forgive kar deta sachchi....
i don't even now whether i deserved that apology
i must hav done something good
for which i was rewarded with my frnd back\
sach mein kuch achha zarur kiya hoga jo u forgived me......y u forgived ???i was so wrong......i came back ...left u alone
i wish i could change it.......and it cant be 14th yaar ....as 15 th was dhruv's bday.....let us suppose it was 14th and 28 th was diwali...
and we got around 8 days holidays .
so we fighted for around 7 days ......and u won't beleive those days passed very slowly.they almost never passed ....they lasted for so long....really yaar aisa laga pta nhi kitna
tym alag rhe
but really thankful to u for forgiving and being there with me......
aur ending to pta hi hai
we studied ,we roamed,,we talked for hours,,bina soye bina padhe chai peene jaana,,,talking about all the stupid thngs
shishir mittal ko gaali bakna ,
nv ko yaad karna,aur mimicry karna especially sps ki..bataiye mr bhardwaj jo hai xam time mein blog padh rhe hai .......aur bataiye mr raisinghani jo hai vo bhi xam tym mein raat bhar baith ke likh rhe hai.....abe raamlaal
and especially rhythm dreams
.that too was a memory to be cherished ...
and i wud lyk to tell u 1 thng abt her
that she was just a frnd of momin
unnecessarily we spoilt our mood
..........will cherish all those lovely moments forever,,,they are endless and all can't be mentioned here ...write your comments please i wanna know from u too.........take care of urself......all the best for ur future ..........sorry thanks and all that seems to be formalities now.........would love to read something in a comment soon......

9 comments:

  1. MAZA AA GAYA YAAR
    UR BEST WORK
    MUJHE BHI KHOOB GAALIYAN BAKI HONGI ------ KE CHAKKAR MAIN

    ReplyDelete
  2. thanx momin bhai...........i called him and asked abt it but we both came to a conclusion dat 1 bhi gaali nhi baki thi.............we were just upset abt that really upset.....but no gaali really.....

    ReplyDelete
  3. that was really a Heart touching one...
    now i understood what mke u so close...
    be like this always...

    ReplyDelete
  4. hmmm....nyc...way 2 apoloise....lovely story!!

    ReplyDelete
  5. good one..quite confusing but great actually..it connects me till end..one thought that comes in my mind after reading is like I am reading chetan bhagat's story.
    Great work!
    Great story!
    Great thoughts![:D]

    ReplyDelete
  6. @harry -we will be like that only, bro
    @parul -thanx a lot ......
    @thanx richa didi........u commented on the wrong post ....its ok i understood it was for the love story......thnx every1

    ReplyDelete
  7. kabhi alvida na kahna ...!!!! :)
    Stay blessed with gr8 frnds always...!!

    ReplyDelete