Thursday, November 4, 2010

what goes on in my mind

i rarely feel like writing what i write in this blog , because it's usually when i am sad or there's something negative going on in my life ...may be that's why i named it DARK MOON LIGHT ,well whatever may be the reason .... i write only when i feel like writing but yes, nowadays i always avoid writing anything that's negative.. because i know i shouldn't do it , because i know it's not fair...it's not correct to allow someone to read something that may help them experience your pain ...moreover increase their's..especially when they can relate their grief with you .....


it hurts more when you listen to a sad song that has certain words that suits your life very well......for instance say .... a song TUJHE BHULA DIYA.... may be very painful for someone who has faced a break up and trying his \her best to forget someone...to be frank it's of no use you 'll never get anything by crying ...our heart is too innocent to bear such pain ...it shouldn't be subjected to these pains and hurts ,though it may handle it very well but still someday or the other you'll realize that there's nothing that you 'll get by crying your heart out...


i usually listen to a song NUMB when i am very angry because i just love everything about it at that time ....i can feel the music very well...i can feel it's each and every beat and each and every word....i just don't have anything better to do sometimes rather than listening to this song .... our anger is our greatest enemy i have realised it and i broke up with him long time back but he is a very desperate friend who keeps on coming back to me and i have to say hi and hello just to realize that even a simple hello with anger is not good for anyone ....so i have to say gudbye to him ...sorry anger can't help it you'll never be my friend till i have other friends esp till my heart is my best friend.....


well , i think i should get back to the topic now.....


i wrote all this because i really felt like crying yesterday, ok i'll start from yesterday's page only


3rd november  2010


i felt like crying today ,i almost did, i would have surely done only if my dear tears wouldn't have been ANTI NEWTON... they always defy all his laws and the gravity .... all they follow is the voice of their heart .... they'll come out only when they are never needed..when they are supposed to keep quiet and be in their den .... but no they are kid at heart how can they listen to me... they are meant to do what they want and it's fine we need to give them their space...


ok back on point....


today i lost my mobile...sorry it was not lost or forgotten anywhere ..... it was stolen ...
it was not just a phone to me it was my life to me ...mobile has always been since the day i have started using cellphones ,they have become the integral part of our lives.....
but today not only my cellphone was stolen ....with it many of my other things were stolen .....obviously i am serious here and not talking about that 100 rs note that was kept along with the cell in my pocket, all my special messages , all my contacts , ALL MY POEMS (MOST IMPORTANT LIFE OF MINE)


well i kept my cell in the pocket of my jeans and the jeans was properly folded and was kept in my bag and above that there was a towel and the bag was properly closed and then i went for the drill in the camp,when i came back and opened my bag, to get my cell in excitement of seeing all the messages and missed calls.....i was shocked ...when i opened my bag the first thing that i saw was my sim card lying on the top ,and i was like howcome there's sim card ,first i thought it's the same old simcard that i lost sometimes back and was more excited but when i removed the jeans i realised a caring thief has stolen my life, my mobile.....obviously it was my fault and any effort was of no use though i did but obviously all was supposed to go in vain only and it went.....


in the night i realised that my alarm was set up in the phone and i was 99 percent sure that it was on repeat mode....and it was set up for 5 o clock in the morning i had one percent chance that i may get it when i hear the song BEAUTIFUL SOUL in the morning ....i asked  all of my friends to wake me up at 4 30 positively but sab saale alsi kahinke ......""
 here comes that most hurting lesson of my life" never depend of anyone ...""
i have always failed when i was dependent on some 1 else....


"NEVER EVER GET DEPENDENT ON ANYONE EVEN FOR THE SIMPLEST THING,BECAUSE IT'S MY LIFE AND IF I WON'T WORK FOR IT I SHOULDN'T EXPECT THE SAME FROM NE1"...




i remember when i was in 11th class i used to study everything for school exams atleast what was possible.... and mukul used to sit in front of me .... we used to give joint examination ,i never consulted him what you are studying , you study this and i'll do this never ... we used to prepare separately ....and write whatever we knew....obviously consulted each other in exams.... actually used to copy each and every word written by the other....but at the time of final exams we decided what will we get by studying everything so we just divided portion between us and he did whatever he wanted to do and i did whatever was left and we knew we'll easily cheat .....but when we reached the centre when we saw our seats we just smiled at each other ...i was on the 1st and he was on the last ...obviously my paper got screwed up because everything came from the portion that he studied...and from then everytime i have realised this fact at every step of my life


NEVER DEPEND ON ANYONE NO MATTER HOW CLOSE THAT SOMEONE IS TO YOU ......
TODAY I REALISED IT I GUESS HUNDREDTH TIME AS NO ONE WOKE ME UP AND I MISSED THAT 1 PERCENT CHANCE  IF GETTING MY LIFE BACK ...ALSO ...


well ,that didn't bothered me that me that much ...what mattered the most is my cell was stolen and along with it my faith and hopes were broken ....whatever happened was wrong but what mattered the most was all the lessons that i learnt and taught were proved wrong....may be for a moment but yes they were really shattered, and scattered everywhere thousands of feets under the ground...... and  forced me to recall everything about my life......


i have always lived my life on my own assumption that NO ONE IS BAD AND EVERYONE IS GOOD....do good and good will come ....i always believed it that everyone is good , i always concentrated more on the latter part that everyone is good be it a teacher , a fellow student , or even a murderer.. sometimes i agree i may have said something wrong about someone but never ever from my heart ... i have tried many times to say 'go to hell" to many people but i havn't succeeded yet ... and i know i won't be able to achieve this feat ....


i have seen many friend's complaining about there life, the people that are present or the people that are absent ... especially about there bad friends and the bad people who spoiled there life....i always asked them to forget them to be more specific forgive them because i truly believe that all are good..and have some good things in them .... and those things are the only things that we should see ignoring every other thing....it may be difficult not impossible.... everything in life is difficult but not impossible...


but the thing is i felt like crying ,yes i did felt like that ....but as usual tears defied gravity ... sometimes i do feel like crying ... i too feel like having that wave of coldness on my cheeks ... but i am proud that my tears don't listen to my heart.... i felt so because i had to wonder whether to should stop believing what i was always taught ,what i always learnt , what i always taught , what i always remembered , what i always assumed , what was the only thing in my mind , what was the thing that i truly believed and what was the only thing that i wanted everyone to learn from their heart so as to be the best human being ....


 i really wondered whether i should i break every assumption , forget every lesson that i was taught and forgive everyone who taught me that... ????forgive myself for spreading it and ask everyone to forget it ....????


but in my heart i somehow knew ...the answer is "'no"' i shouldn't ....because i have lived on it , i have seen it , i have experienced it ....that has made me smile even at my lowest point.... it's the only thing that has gifted me very good friends


EVERYONE IS GOOD , THERE MAY BE BAD THINGS IN THEM , BAD THINGS MAY BE VERY DOMINANT , AND GOOD THINGS MAY NOT BE VISIBLE AT ALL , BUT YES EVERYONE HAS SOMETHING GOOD IN THEM , YES WE ALL HAVE SOMETHING GOOD IN US  .... EVERYONE IS MOSTLY LOVED BY THEIR PARENTS , NO MATTER HOW BAD WE ARE .... THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE TO LOVE US .......THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE WHO GETS HURT ON SEEING US IN PAIN , THAT PROVES WE ALL ARE GOOD.....


 i tried a lot to curse the guy who stole my cell and left my simcard showing his goodness, but trust me i was not even able to curse him because i know someday he'll realise what he did , he'll realize that he did wrong , i may forgive and forget it but he won't be able to so ,especially his conscience won't be able to do so .. so it's his life he chose to interfere in my life , he did , but i just can't ,i refuse to enter his life and i am no one to curse anyone it was me who was wrong who should have kept it safely , but yes when i was keeping it ,this thought came to my mind that someone might see me keeping it and can steal it , but i  thought ''no ''.... aisa kuch ni hoga sab achche hote hai.... it was my fault i was too good at that time or say too blind and stupid ...i got a  lesson , i learnt it , i 'll be more careful in future regarding security ,....


 i am all well because i have learnt these lessons very thoroughly and even taught them thoroughly , so i don't need someone to tell me that keep smiling . ...well  i do need people to remind me ...we all need a reminder but sometimes you have to remind yourself , do it once then you will never need any such reminder


it's just a little thing that happened and it's completely fine , life goes on , and it has moved on ... life has to move on always ....we all have only one life and all we have to do is smile and laugh .... i am waiting to tell this to my friend ANEESH GULATI  because i know he will laugh and scream a lot after knowing this and along with him i too will laugh over it , because everyone stopped me from going to that stupid camp but i did it .... i had to pay for it ....and ANEESH is going to laugh for sure and me too ....every time we' ll laugh over it ...that is life to fly out things in laughter ...
""har fikr ko dhuen ki bajaih hasi mein udaa dena chahiye""


i wanted to add a bit more in the ending , we should always tell otherS things that will make them smile even at their worst times... though i remember most of the good things said to me but one such thing that i am always reminded of when i feel low is .....
"".u r a vibe of POSITIVITY...n hav learnt d biggest lesson f my life frm u nly.. olwayz smile n smile n smlie.. forget ol worries n assholes who screwed yo lives..n smile n smile n smile.. hehhe :P:P""
BY NEHA ADLAKHA
i am always reminded of these words of yours when i feel negative ... that negativity don't suits you and at that very moment i come back to normal level ...i really wanna thank PARUL MEHTA  because of whom i have got so much in life and i wanna thank GOD that he has given me very good friends especially parul mehta




it's a sincere request to all of you , life is going very fast , you never know what's gonna happen tomorrow, smile smile and smile, laugh laugh and laugh ..... you never know boat of your life will be headed in which direction , years later you are going to turn back to life and get reminded of each and every thing that made you smile, it's so obvious not even in dreams you 'll think of things that made you cry ....it's the time to cherish and create happy memories.... do it because sweet memories remain forever ....and once you'll start collecting your happy memories ....those memories that you'll love to live again ....you'll realise what's missing in your life .....that millions of memories are yet to be created... live them today ....
that 's the only way to live ....smile forever....always remind your friends how special they are and how much they matter to you ....
words touch the core of the heart trust me they do and they remain forever even though forever itself is a lie .........


a very happy diwali to all of you friends, once lord RAM came back and today i came back on diwali ... on this night of darkness light a lamp in your heart and remove all the darkness from your heart.....every day should be a diwaali for you ....lighten up ur heart and mind